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| it's been a very busy and eventful summer and it's just going to continue on that way. i like it though. it makes me feel productive. :)
ryan and i drove down to l.a. on may 29 after work and we came back june 1. it was a spontaneous, out of the random thing. we met sean down there and stayed at his brother's apartment in hollywood. of all the times i've been in so cal, i've never been to hollywood so it was nice. we pretty much chilled all weekend. we did some tourist things and we even went on a mini hike up runyon canyon. i enjoyed it and it makes me want to work out. anyways, we went to santa monica pier and beach and the boys did some footage things. i ate like crap there, but i think i was more physically active. all in all, it was an enjoyable trip. it was ryan and my first couples trip so that was nice too.
the monday that we were coming back from l.a., ryan got a call from randy and found out he got in an accident in the morning and was now in the hospital. we drove back to vegas that night and went to the hospital to see him. the people wouldn't let us in though because it was late so we went back the next day and stayed with him for a few hours. generally, don't drink and drive and always wear your seat belt. ryan actually found news footage of the accident yesterday on the internet. it was absolutely horrible.
i got in touch with jane and we went out one night to catch up. i started crying when i saw her and i realized how much i missed having her as a friend. we talked for hours that night and about pretty much everything. i'm glad i was able to finally let her know how i felt and how things were from my point of view. it definitely felt good to be able to talk to her and we said we'd stay in touch. it sucks because we're finally on good terms and i'm leaving in a month and a half. we were talking about perhaps going to l.a. before i left. that would be fun, so we'll see how things work out.
ryan and i just got back from albuquerque monday afternoon. we had flown out there friday morning. we spent the entire trip looking for apartments and we finally found one that was as perfect as it could get. it's a two bedroom, one bath and the price is perfect. when we got back to vegas, wedid the paper work and got the apartment on hold. they basically just need to process it and we're done. another thing crossed off the list. anyways, we drove around quite a bit and we're pretty familiar with the area. it's not as bad as people make it out to be and there's actually things ryan and i can see ourselves doing out there. needless to say, we are both extremely excited for this to happen.
i still need to get a loan for school. once i get that, we can officially plan out our move. i still don't know if i want to drive there or get the car shipped there. honestly, i don't want to sit in a car for 8 hours, but how else would i move my belongings. i'm thinking movers but i don't have that much stuff. if i get a new bed out there, i just have to worry about moving my car, tv, and clothes. i'm wondering if i can just ship it all out there. that would be nice and easy.
we found out yesterday night that we're gonna be going to duck creek, ut with ryan's mom. i'm excited for another adventure. i need to take the days off, but it shouldn't be a problem. it should be lots of fun cause we're staying at the cabin and we'll have dirt bikes and four wheelers to pass our time with. his mom wants to go again in july but it's going to be with lots of people so ryan and i are thinking we're gonna pass on that one. we'll probably just go to l.a. again and i'm definitely down for that.
so, it's been a busy few months. in april, i went to san diego and ryan went to l.a. we went to l.a. together in may and albuquerque in june. we're gonna be going to duck creek next week and plan to go back to l.a. in july. we are planning to move in the first two weeks of august and the school starts at the end of august. i'm glad things are finally starting to fall in order for us. before we leave, i want to maximize my time with my friends. i don't know when i'll be back after i leave. jane and i were talking about how i should come back and celebrate her 21st birthday with her. that would be fun, but who knows what's gonna happen. ryan and i probably won't be back too soon cause we have to get into the ease of things. if i do come back jane's birthday, i think he'll stay in new mexico. we're both really glad to be doing this and we finally get to be on our own together. yay for that part of growing up.
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| ambika says i don't update enough. so i guess here i go... summer has finally hit. i don't know if i've mentioned this before, but this is the first summer that i've gone without summer school. it is with good reason though. i'm transferring this fall and taking a different route in my academic career. it's going to be a major change and i'm getting myself ready for it. for the time being, i'm just working and enjoying myself until i have to be in hard-core school mode. i finally was able to quit gap, which i am so happy about. i've hated going to work and forgot that i actually do enjoy working because i was so miserable there. i'm now a receptionist/secetary at an auto shop. it's beyond easy and i enjoy being here. i work more now than i was at gap, but i have really nothing to complain about. i love the hours here and the fact that i have a set schedule. it makes me sad that i'm not going to be here long term. i really do actually like it here and it's about time i actually enjoy my job. i've been going out a lot more recently. i was thinking it's because i know i'm gonna leave soon. i want to spend as much time as i can enjoying my life here with people i care about. i know i'm gonna miss my vegas life; my friends, my family, and the convenience of everything. everything is so established here and it's comfortable. starting new in a place i'm so unfamiliar with is gonna be stressful, but in some ways, i'm excited for this new chapter of my life. ryan is excited that we have a clean slate, but i don't care whether it's a clean slate or not. i think i'm more excited about the fact that i'm finally doing something that's worth a damn. nothing is getting accomplished here in vegas and i want to be productive. with it being summer and the fact that i'm not taking summer school, it feels weird to get off from work and not have homework to do or think of that fact that i'm putting off homework. it's kind of a carefree feeling and i'm really not used to it. i am, however, using my time to plan out this new chapter of my life. i don't have too much time to do this to begin with, so i'm doing everything i can to get the ball rolling. i've applied and was accepted for the community college. hahaha...it would be absolutely horrid if they had sent a letter saying i was rejected into a community college. i plan on schooling there for a year and get my residency and then transferring to the university. i got my visit all planned out to look for an apartment out there. i need to still find a loan for school, get an apartment, and move. i have large objectives to fulfill but i'm gonna do it. i have to. it's not an option. i'm excited for the visit out there. the main thing is to find an apartment. i'm thinking we'll stay an extra day. i know i'll be living there for 6 years in a matter of a couple of months but i still feel the need to be away from vegas for a litttle. i want to be around the people as much as possible before i leave, but i need break from this town. i FINALLY got the chance to hang out with ambika last night. it took us long enough to get together, but when we do, i enjoy it more than anything. i rather stay in a just talk and gossip with her than go out and party all night. she's one of the few people i can open up to. thank goodness she has the patience to listen to all my b.s. hahaha. i loooove you hoe! <3 a couple of weeks ago, i woke up to two missed calls and a voicemail from someone i thought i'd never have to talk to again. i didn't know the number at first and when i listened to the voicemail, i literally said "what the fck?!" of course there was a spiel that eventually led to asking me for help. why do people only contact you when they need something. i wouldn't have called this person if i was dieing and they were the only one to help me. people are assholes. they only care about themselves and think the world revolves aroud them. get over yourself. i'm tired of putting in the effort to get nothing in return. i have made up with a friend that i was fighting with for a while. well, it wasn't really fighting. it's just words were exchanged and we stopped talking. the way that i'm thinking of it is...i'm not negatively affected by being her friend so what the hell? if problems arise, i'll just distance myself. there's no point for tension. as i'm waiting for this new chapter to start, i'm really just enjoying when i have left of this current part of my life. i'm excited and i'm sad. i get emotional every time i think about or talk about it, and the ones who know me know that i'm not usually an emotional person. i don't like showing when i'm weak and vulnerable, but i have to accept that everyone is like that about certain things. aighh. | | |
| xanga has changed like crazy. there are so many more options. every time i log on, i have re-figure out how to do things.
so, the semester is almost coming to an end. it kind of makes me sad to think that i was supposed to graduate this semester. i want to kick myself for wasting all my time, but then i know there is absolutely no need to dwell on the past. i actually put a lot of effort into this semester and i am pretty happy with that. this is going to be the first summer than i am not going to be taking summer classes. it's going to be a nice break, but i'm going to have a very busy summer anyways.
a few weeks ago, i started talking to a friend that i've lost contact with. i've known him for years and he's always been there for me. well, he motivated to do something that i honestly thought that i would never get done. it's funny because i'm never one to make rash decisions, but after talking to him, i decided to do something that's going to change a lot of things. i'm proud of myself for making this decision and i'm happy that i'm going to go through with it. i talked to the three people that have always been there for me and in general, they have been supportive. ambika was rooting me on and i think it made me realize how much i was going to miss have her around. she's always talked me through my bads and was there to laugh with me through my goods. i've known her for years and i have nothing to say but good things about her. when i told mike, he gave me his usual response. what else would i have expected from him though? i don't think guys ever really take things too seriously. he's one of my best friends though and i'm gonna miss him more than he will probably even consider. i'm never the one to get too emotional but i know i'll miss them the most and thinking about it brings me to tears every time. this is probably the only down side of my choice. it makes me sad. of course, i talked to ryan, and he was more than supportive. he said he'd do whatever it takes and that he'd always be there to support me through whatever. i have no words to describe how much i appreciate him and what he means to me. i think we're both excited for this change. it's time to get our things straight and to grow up. even though all our family and friends are here, neither one of us are getting anything accomplished and nothing is really holding us back here. maybe this will give us that extra push. we're both motivated and i think that's important. obviously, not everything is set in stone but we're both willing to do whatever it takes to do this.
for spring break, a couple friends and i decided to go down to san diego for a weekend. it's almost like it wasn't for spring break because it was just the weekend at the end of break, but it was a nice getaway since i've never really been away for spring break for college. for the most part, i had a good time. there were a few bumps along the way but i think i enjoyed the trip generally. i'm not gonna call the trip "fun" on my part, but i never intended to go to have fun. i wanted to go away and relax. mission accomplished, mostly, anyways.
ryan left for l.a. the wednesday morning before i left and i left on friday night. he got back saturday and i got back sunday night. it was probably the longest 5 days of my life. in the two years that we have been together, that's the longest we've been apart. it's sad to think that i can barely last 5 days without him. i missed him more than i could have possibly imagined. maybe it's true that distance makes the heart grow fonder. he means more than the world to me and i don't think he knows how much i love and appreciate him. yeah, we bicker and fight but doesn't everyone? the goods definitely outdo the bads, and to me, that's all that matters. to me, there's no one else that could be more perfect than he is for me.
i think a lot of people lack two things. the first, common sense. i know we've all run into stupid people, but i think the world is getting worse every day. how do people function without it? how has natural selection not have wiped them out already? ignorance is bliss. seriously, it doesn't matter if you're smart, without common sense, you're just like a brick wall. maybe that's why so many businesses are going under. the people managing these companies don't know how to react to the different economic situation that we are currently in. the second thing people lack is respect. if you don't respect yourself, how do you expect people to respect you? if you don't respect other people, do you really think other people are going to respect you? isn't that one of the big things people work for? you have people who are ruining it for themselves instead of working towards it.
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| wow. it's been an extremely long time since i've been on this thing. it took a while for me to re-figure this whole thing out. i just wanted to say how disgusted i am with some of these old posts. anyways, more importantly, i'm here for a reason. i need to vent and it turns out this is where i'm going to be doing so.
so much have changed since the last time i posted. a lot of the things have changed for the better. some...not so much. however, besides the whole money issue, i guess i can say i'm pretty content with how things are now. the main thing is that i need to finish school, and i need to do that really soon. it's taken long enough. i've wasted enough time and money.
as much as some things have changed, i finally admitted to myself that some things still haven't. i don't know how it got brought up, but i had a conversation with a certain someone that i guess i needed to have a long time ago. i guess it's been building up for a long time and i was in denial. i heard a lot of things that i wanted to hear and found out things that i had wondered about, but i still think i still have questions that i want to ask. the whole conversation came out of left field and i was a little overwhelmed by it. i said so much, but i'm not done. i don't know if i'm going to get the chance again. at least i was able to say the things that i never thought i was going to be able to say. it was nice to hear the other side of the story. never had i even thought there was another side. it's also good to know that the things i did didn't go unnoticed. this person has always meant something to me even though we would go forever without seeing each other or talking. i don't know what it is and i honestly don't know if it'll ever go away. it's already been years. why does he have such an impact on me? what is it that draws me towards him?
i've been told time and time again that he's just testing me. he said claims he's not. i, honest to god, don't know what to think. i want to think he's not bullshitting me and i'm hoping everything that was said wasn't just some crap, but in the end, i need to protect myself. then again, maybe that's why i never said anything or even admitted to myself. i didn't want him to have this one-up or advantage on me. i guess it doesn't matter now. whether or not he was bullshitting me, he now knows how i truly feel. no more secrets, no more fronts. i no longer have to pretend that he's just like all the others cause he and i both know that he's not. at least he now knows that he still, for some reason, means something to me. at the end of the day, he's still in the back of my mind and i do still think about him. i would be completely lying if i said i didn't love him. i guess to me, there's always going to be that "what if" factor.
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